Thirteen

Thirteen. I have to admit that I don't have a great memory for details from that long ago because thirteen was some time ago.

I do know that I was awkward. I was insecure and self-conscious. I was also curious. I wanted to know about so many things and how they came to be and how they worked. What I do remember most about my mind-set was really coming to terms with my sexual orientation and finding the language for it, and being terrified of it.

Hobby-wise, I began playing the piano at age ten and by thirteen I was obsessed with music and anything that had to do with it. I wanted to learn to play as many instruments as I could. Other than that, I was a swimmer and was beginning to ponder taking karate classes. I thought it looked pretty cool and looked like fun.

In terms of school, I was finishing up eighth grade and was entering the big, scary world of high school-- and I was doing it at Bay View which for some reason made it a little less scary.



Looking back, that was all the root for a large portion of who I am. Now I certainly approach things very differently and more maturely and have a much different outlook on life. I have certainly discovered so much more. Thirteen seems like a lifetime ago, but I was curious then and I am more curious now as an adult. Oddly enough, music is still one of the most important things to me. I have since become a guitarist and a drummer and still want to learn as many instruments as I possibly can! Having been a swimmer, I now have a great respect and love for the ocean and anything water related. I did take martial arts and it was so much more than I could have imagined. It changed me in ways, for the better and I have since earned my black belt. Most importantly and most life changing, however, was my coming out. All of those things I found language for and realized at thirteen certainly never went away and a few years later I came out. It was the most difficult thing, yet the best thing that has ever happened to me. It changed my life completely.

I don't think we ever really lose who we were as teenagers. Rather, we grow and take those things on with a different, more mature POV. Our teenage years are really the root of who we will always truly be in some way.